i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
