my sisters under your porch take her home
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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