Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
