I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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