I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
