Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Im part way to drunk.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
