I got chris browned last night
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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