Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
