Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
