Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
