I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
