What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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