She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
