If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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