Pants 0. Shit 1.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
