you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I believe in your delicious
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
