Can i not drive my cunt home
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
