Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
