Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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