just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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