I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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