Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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