You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
