It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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