If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
