"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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