How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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