Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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