Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
