I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
