Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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