How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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