I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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