I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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