soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
