Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
