i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So many bounce houses so little time
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
