Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
