it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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