Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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