I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
