dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
