We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
