i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
it's like iHOP with fire
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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