what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
