I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
