My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I just found puke in my bra..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
