Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
