hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
