After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
