you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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